Dearest friend of mine Rou La Femme began his sporting career at the prime age of 76. Being 46 at the time his ability to transcend his own age still remains a baffling scientific enigma. But his lack of physical skill never got in the way of his ability to get thrown off the pitch by fellow players and in some instances members of the crowd. I think it was the aformentioned individual who summed up the beautiful game in a single phrase "It's a ball based sport...but it aint on no court!"
Whats the story? The next Glory?
Or more accurately “Super Sidekicks 3: The Next Glory”.
Somehow I managed to let Super Sidekicks 1 and 2 pass me by and so had assumed that Super Sidekicks 3 would be the third in a series of games that followed popular Superhero sidekicks (i.e. Robin, Bucky Barnes, Rick James, Benderboy, Fabulocity X and Young Grendell) saving the world. Of course that’s a lie as “The Next Glory” came bundled on my copy of SNK Arcade classics Vol I and so I was able to observe the football related imagery long before I was able to process information relating to the title of the game. In fact I had thought it was called “SNK Grass Masters” until the retro prefect told me to review it.
Now normally I wouldn’t be playing ‘footy’ type games because they rarely feature lengthy cut scenes where Ryan Giggs try to find his true reasons for playing football.
Glen Proud Cloddle: “Back then I could get by with just grazed knees”
Reno Van: Nistleroy “…..”
Glen Proud Cloddle: “Gone talking to a wall”
Reno Van Nistleroy: “…..”
Glen Proud Cloddle : “….”
Reno Van Nistleroy “….”
However I decided to give this game a go in honour of the “International Coca Cola Cup” which was happening at the time and also because the Retro Prefect had visited and we were running out of stuff to entertain him with because he is so very demanding. Not only did he keep demanding more peanut noodles but he cried for half an hour when we beat him soundly at Saint Seiya: The Hades.
I was expecting The Next Glory to look and play like Super Soccer/Sensible Soccer but in actual fact it has a strange Streets of Rage style viewpoint and Flashback style animations. Conrad Hart might not be playing on the team but the game certainly has the “hart” of rotoscoping, whatever that might be. It also has the ability to play as 64 different teams, I know this because I looked it up on wikipedia. I cannot comment as to whether these teams actually exist or were wearing the correct heraldry (I know there is a team called England but I thought they had pictures of Jeremy Irons on their shirts) but the ability to play as many now defunct African countries always brings a smile to my face. I believe that the players are nameless in order to match their featureless faces but they do manage to differentiate themselves by having slightly different haircuts and skin tones. How do they see the ball without eyes? The same way they manage to make racist remarks without mouths – telepathy!
It isn’t just the unique and slightly disturbing running animations that separate the next glory from the Fifa Street 2’s of this world it’s also the fact that the games last mere seconds as way for SNK to force you into putting more coins in the slot. Worst of their money grabbing tactics is the fact that you effectively have to pay to decide the outcome of a match as after your time runs out you must pay the price and select a rematch, penalties or sudden death. A rematch is pointless as goal scoring is largely impossible due to the restrictive time limits and the fact that it is impossible to actually get the ball into the net without first kicking the ball at the goalkeepers head and briefly concussing him and then stepping over his comatose body to deliver the coup de grace. Sudden Death is perhaps the best value option as you must continually play until someone gets a goal, unfortunately this will never happen even if you try and let the other person win because the Goals Guardian is always AI controlled. Eventually you will be thrown out of the arcade because the manager wants to go home, but not before he presents you with a miniature plastic arcade cabinet for your collection. The best option is of course penalties as this gives you a nice penalty kicking mini game where you get to look at the back of your mans leg as he decided where indeed to kick the ball. A good tactic is to constantly tell your opponent that you are “going left” and then pretend that actually you aren’t going to go left but then you go left anyway. This only fails if they also decide that the goalkeeper should go left but the chances of that are 1/3 i.e. unlikely.
The game also gives you the option to empower your team with different abilities such as “speed” “teamwork” and “power” none of these make a noticeable difference apart from speed as it allows you to constantly run into your opponents and steal the ball by virtue of phasing through them at high speed. Again I don’t know how true to life this feature is although I do hear that Wayne Ronstok always selects ‘Teamwork’ when fighting against the Gargons.
What really elevate the next glory to the upper echelons is the amazingly rendered goal celebrations. These often feature images of your team, apparently illustrated by the man who does pictures for crime watch. My personal favourite is where two players psycho crusher towards one another at high speed but we must also give special mention to the image of the player with the huge rectangular body being hoisted aloft by his team mates. There are others but much like the antics of Confuser Gaz they are beyond my ability to explain.
So as far as football games go The Next Glory is probably the best I have played. The only other football game I have ever played is the one that came with Klik’n’Play featuring inly four players on each team and an incredibly interfering ref. Still The Next Glory never features a man limply saying “It’s a goal” whenever the ball gets into the net so you can’t have everything. For these reasons I would like to award The Next Glory three Bull Boy Shoes out of a Gareth Southgate.
Or more accurately “Super Sidekicks 3: The Next Glory”.
Somehow I managed to let Super Sidekicks 1 and 2 pass me by and so had assumed that Super Sidekicks 3 would be the third in a series of games that followed popular Superhero sidekicks (i.e. Robin, Bucky Barnes, Rick James, Benderboy, Fabulocity X and Young Grendell) saving the world. Of course that’s a lie as “The Next Glory” came bundled on my copy of SNK Arcade classics Vol I and so I was able to observe the football related imagery long before I was able to process information relating to the title of the game. In fact I had thought it was called “SNK Grass Masters” until the retro prefect told me to review it.
Now normally I wouldn’t be playing ‘footy’ type games because they rarely feature lengthy cut scenes where Ryan Giggs try to find his true reasons for playing football.
Glen Proud Cloddle: “Back then I could get by with just grazed knees”
Reno Van: Nistleroy “…..”
Glen Proud Cloddle: “Gone talking to a wall”
Reno Van Nistleroy: “…..”
Glen Proud Cloddle : “….”
Reno Van Nistleroy “….”
However I decided to give this game a go in honour of the “International Coca Cola Cup” which was happening at the time and also because the Retro Prefect had visited and we were running out of stuff to entertain him with because he is so very demanding. Not only did he keep demanding more peanut noodles but he cried for half an hour when we beat him soundly at Saint Seiya: The Hades.
I was expecting The Next Glory to look and play like Super Soccer/Sensible Soccer but in actual fact it has a strange Streets of Rage style viewpoint and Flashback style animations. Conrad Hart might not be playing on the team but the game certainly has the “hart” of rotoscoping, whatever that might be. It also has the ability to play as 64 different teams, I know this because I looked it up on wikipedia. I cannot comment as to whether these teams actually exist or were wearing the correct heraldry (I know there is a team called England but I thought they had pictures of Jeremy Irons on their shirts) but the ability to play as many now defunct African countries always brings a smile to my face. I believe that the players are nameless in order to match their featureless faces but they do manage to differentiate themselves by having slightly different haircuts and skin tones. How do they see the ball without eyes? The same way they manage to make racist remarks without mouths – telepathy!
It isn’t just the unique and slightly disturbing running animations that separate the next glory from the Fifa Street 2’s of this world it’s also the fact that the games last mere seconds as way for SNK to force you into putting more coins in the slot. Worst of their money grabbing tactics is the fact that you effectively have to pay to decide the outcome of a match as after your time runs out you must pay the price and select a rematch, penalties or sudden death. A rematch is pointless as goal scoring is largely impossible due to the restrictive time limits and the fact that it is impossible to actually get the ball into the net without first kicking the ball at the goalkeepers head and briefly concussing him and then stepping over his comatose body to deliver the coup de grace. Sudden Death is perhaps the best value option as you must continually play until someone gets a goal, unfortunately this will never happen even if you try and let the other person win because the Goals Guardian is always AI controlled. Eventually you will be thrown out of the arcade because the manager wants to go home, but not before he presents you with a miniature plastic arcade cabinet for your collection. The best option is of course penalties as this gives you a nice penalty kicking mini game where you get to look at the back of your mans leg as he decided where indeed to kick the ball. A good tactic is to constantly tell your opponent that you are “going left” and then pretend that actually you aren’t going to go left but then you go left anyway. This only fails if they also decide that the goalkeeper should go left but the chances of that are 1/3 i.e. unlikely.
The game also gives you the option to empower your team with different abilities such as “speed” “teamwork” and “power” none of these make a noticeable difference apart from speed as it allows you to constantly run into your opponents and steal the ball by virtue of phasing through them at high speed. Again I don’t know how true to life this feature is although I do hear that Wayne Ronstok always selects ‘Teamwork’ when fighting against the Gargons.
What really elevate the next glory to the upper echelons is the amazingly rendered goal celebrations. These often feature images of your team, apparently illustrated by the man who does pictures for crime watch. My personal favourite is where two players psycho crusher towards one another at high speed but we must also give special mention to the image of the player with the huge rectangular body being hoisted aloft by his team mates. There are others but much like the antics of Confuser Gaz they are beyond my ability to explain.
So as far as football games go The Next Glory is probably the best I have played. The only other football game I have ever played is the one that came with Klik’n’Play featuring inly four players on each team and an incredibly interfering ref. Still The Next Glory never features a man limply saying “It’s a goal” whenever the ball gets into the net so you can’t have everything. For these reasons I would like to award The Next Glory three Bull Boy Shoes out of a Gareth Southgate.
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