The Adventures Of Alundra: A Link To Nintendo's Copyright Department

The year was 1997...the Internet was just about passable as something that could be used for things, just as long as you had the patience

Imagine however, a world where Wikipedia was absent, where the only way to find out about the latest PS1 titles was to actually buy a magazine inaccurately stating the release dates. You could I suppose troll through the hundreds of self proposed "Fansites" courtesy of Geocities; but that would usually end in tragedy as you scrolled through a slow loading page of animated GIFS, and then got your first taste of pornographic fan art...

So Alundra, well endowed as I came to find he is; became known as a result of the now thankfully defunct "Playstation MAX" magazine. A periodical which embraced the ideals of journalism like a burly retard man who doesnt know his own strength, the neck snapping inaccuracies of this magazine however made me aware of Alundra, a Zelda clone which had I been older and wiser, would have seen it as just that...and still bought it anyway.

I recently took to replaying the game after two previous unsuccessful attempts trying to finish it, I shall recall these attempts in chronological order...

ATTEMPT EIN: Got stuck on a pyramid level although the exact details of why or what went wrong are unknown. I later discovered an array of cheats for the game on my Action Replay cartridge which may have lead to the memory card reformatting itself...game restart became undesirable on account of post traumatic memory card loss

LESSON LEARNED- If thou art to gain glory through cheating, Alundra and other PS1 titles shall be deleting

ATTEMPT ZWEI: Scrolled through the overly long introduction sequence with major disinterest, ended up strolling onto a beach only to underestimate the power of fire breathing turtles, game over without saving, prospect of seeing the intro a second time...undesirable.

LESSON LEARNED- A boring summer cannot be quelled, by a foray into games previously uncompelled (to play to the end)

ATTEMPT DREI: Seemingly ploughed through levels I previously thought of as impossible, possibly as a result of having nothing else to do other than hand out flyers for an Italian restaurant supposedly owned by a Persian. (He was able to reverse time briefly when people denied his flyers) six months have now transpired, prospect of returning to a story driven game I have neglected for over half a year...undesirable but feasible

LESSON LEARNED- In youth, skills are low. When grown, far you go

The problem with coming back to games from your childhood is that A: They are often shit B: They are far more difficult, and my tolerance to play them is far less. I soon discovered however, that Alundra falls into neither of this categories, not only does it hold up, but the difficulty is far easier than I had remembered. Perhaps it may be that now in my mature stages of adulthood, I have developed the necessary life skills with which to traverse fictional coal mines and crypts easily, whereas the ability to converse with a labourer without contempt still eludes me. Alundra still however provides the tried and tested trial and error you can never be expected to really understand.

Games from the PS1 era however, take longer to load than other consoles on account of the mega graficks and the deposit of dog shite in the disk tray. Try as my father might to remove this evidence, the noxious cocktail of fecal matter and lemon zest will forever remain in my nostrils, reminding me of a simpler, potentially blinding time...

Alundra is definitely a hidden gem among the PS1 library and in some ways surpasses the Zelda series. First of all, the story extends beyond rescue the princess by collecting three things followed by eight things and secondly, the bombs you carry are twice as comically over-sized. Regrettably the sequel decided to enter into 3D, and while I enjoyed the game at the time I can safely assume Alundra 2 has aged nowhere near as well as its predecessor. Buy it, play it, never finish it...( a fourth attempt is planned for 2023)

King of Demons/Majyuuou

I already have distinct regrets reviewing this game, the reason being it took me almost ten minutes to remember what the damm thing was called (Google search engine cant decipher ‘Majyuu’ or ‘Majyoo’), In my desperation I resorted to typing what most characterised the game ‘Castlevania with a gun’. I was genuinely amazed that this came up with the answer. In all my years I have never witnessed a Super Famicom title that uses vowels in such a gratuitous manner. Im wondering how this is spelled in Japanese characters, considering the letter “J” must always be accompanied by a vowel.

I was first drawn to the game when I saw it on a ‘top 100 Super Famicom’ games video. Because I caught a mere 5 second glimpse of the game I was clueless to its name. Being a judge of books; namely their covers (I believe that’s a saying of sorts), I was under the impression that this game would provide of something very different from other chaff seen in Japanese exports. This handy diagram elaborates:

The first level showed promise, it’s perhaps the only Super Famicom game in existence to utilise realistic bullet physics. Contrary to what contra and Gunstar Heroes might have you believe, bullets are not large colourful, slow moving dots. Bullets are small pieces of metal propelled at a speed not visible to the human eye. They are capable of embedding themselves within the human body, creating severe infection and possible haemorrhaging of internal organs. Obviously those “Fat cats” at Nintendo wouldn’t want gruesome depictions of death on a console typically aimed at a juvenile audience, were else are kids going to learn how to shoot? Because of its realism in a sense, the main characters gun actually feels quite satisfying to use. I was under the impression that the gun would be retained throughout the game, but an early boss fight causes the main character (Who I’m sure has a name, lets call him Keith for arguments sake) to transform into a Demon. Bearing in the mind the title, it might suggest that Keith is quite possibly the king…of demons no less! You would be forgiven for thinking the game gets better from such an unusual development; a demonic Keith is the source of every young boys dream. Instead you become lumbered with a gangly butterfly man, the sort of bad boy you might find thwarted by the power rangers on a weekly basis; also he’d be called Baron Butterfly and team up with manic moth in a climactic episode. The major problem however derives from the ear splitting noise made each time Keith attacks; and Keith likes to attack. It can be likened to the high pitch scraping of a rusty pan in the presence of an ill programmed sentient robot. Unable to comprehend the action he tries to imitate the cacophony with his inferior sound synthesiser which in turn causes his master to destroy him piece by piece…that’s what it sounds like.

Majyuuou really encapsulates the feeling that one man alone against the realm of the demons is indeed a tall order; poorest of Keith will unfortunately be subjected to frequent deaths due to the player’s inability to predict everything thrown at them. While stages themselves don’t pose too much of a challenge, bosses are much like my estranged uncle; large, unpredictable and occasionally one eyed. This is especially true near the end, where it seems the demon hierarchy requires some severe restructuring; if a business had so many bosses as this game it would surely have been liquidised within the first month. Especially if said business was run by demonic hordes. Racist I know, but thems the breaks in the cutthroat world of commerce. I am sadly unable to recommend this game to those with anger issues as I fear it could very easily trigger a relapse; I don’t want to be responsible for a single father of two running his 4x4 off the road with kids in tow…not again anyway.

Oh what the hell, Ill recommend it anyway. Those who get the opportunity, I would say play this game. It has some unique features and design pieces that most Super Famicom games don’t. Yes it is at times a challenge but so is contra, and people seem to enjoy subjecting themselves to that torment as well. I shall end on a solemn note, offering my deepest sympathies to dear old Keith; despite his bravest of efforts against the demon horde…he has sadly become seriously ill with a case of what doctors are calling “A bit dead”. I refuse to believe these quacks however and I will continue to have a pint down the nags head with him every Friday. Even though his butterfly anatomy puts off the rest of the punters.