U.S. Championship V'Ball

You might be asking yourself "what audacity have Technos, masters behind Super Double Dragon and River City Ransom; got attempting to create a simulation of a common if not exclusive to beach sport? Also, why have they felt the need to abbreviate the sport in question, thus removing the entire 'volley' aspect of the game?" Well fans thats a lot of questions, and in times like these I would suggest you write to your local MP who with any luck is a keen enthusiast of the sport, a 'volley dolly' as they are referred to within certain circles. (Or should that be certain balls?)

Its nice to see a game that doesnt shy away from creating an atmosphere of homoerotic bliss within the tropical locales of Hawaii, Daytona and Croydon. Alas the latter location was removed on the grounds of strict parrying policies, that and the severe lack of beaches in London boroughs. Character selection is resereved to the hand of fate, with each corresponding coin slot there is the choice of one of the following:

Player 1: Man in yellow pants
Player 2: Man in pink pants
Player 3: Other man in yellow pants
Player 4: Former sex offender (In pink pants)

Some players might speculate that yellow pants man and pink pants man are indeed the same person, shamelessly re-coloured to avoid the task of redrawing another homosexual from scratch. A daunting task for us all, but for every John Barrowman theres always going to be a pink pants equivalent if this carries on. I of course speak in jest, there is nothing more manly than sweaty half naked men grunting as they hit balls while looking apathetically towards the bikini clad audience.

Behind those rose tinted spectacles of nostalgia lies the cyclopian-esque ability to shoot beams of light at Ian Mc Kellen, only instead the projectile takes a more spherical form. A unique feature in U.S. V'Ball is the way in which pink and yellow pants can return a serve. Rather than gently patting it over the net like so many of todays budding volleyball enthusiasts. It is possible to smash the ball with enough force to not just knock the opponent off their feet, but also send them hurtling several meters backwards accompanied by the on screen text "KABOOOM!". On the plus side there is nothing more honourable than an onomatopaeic death, which is why I have always considered silencers to be somewhat cowardly. The incapacitated partner then has to rely solely on the abilities of his partner amidst two opponents as he slowly remembers what it was like to have a non crushed spine.

U.S. Championship V'Ball is a game of two halves notably left and right, playing this game alone is tragically unsafe and can cause suicidal thoughts and general questionings of ones sexual preference. With four people however this proves that despite the uncomfortable silences as players grease each other up, it can be a game enjoyed by all. But not too much mind, as theres only so many backs for so many walls.