Thursday, 18 October 2018

Final Fantasy Four(ums) (Final Banter-sy)


Image result for heidegger ff7



7AM on the Nibelheim defense league forums, a heavily pixelated image of an alien is placed next to some angry-looking bullet points, it reads:

Illegal alien Jenova came to Midgar, at taxpayers expense!

Illegal Alien Jenova responsible for the deaths of Shinra employees, what will the government do!?

Illegal Alien Jenova given council house inside six-bedroomed subterranean crater, yet Tonberrys from THIS PLANET remain homeless!!

Comments:

HIDEOUSSPOOK_56: Ridiculous! Since I lost my job maintaining guard scorpions, I've had to downsize to an tiny cottage that harbors a mechanical fiend, and THEY GET AN ENTIRE CRATER? STEP UP SHINRA!

2_BOTTOMSWELLXXL: I bet the people in Kalm town don't mind do they? But would they harbor a Space Alien with multiple forms, I DOUBT IT!

HONEYBEEINN: Download the honeybee app and find hot local guys in your area now!

PROUDCLOD_LAD: SEND THEM TO COREL PRISON IT'S ALL THEY DESERVE!!!

GILFORDAYS69: Heidegger wouldn't have let this happen! Rufus is YET ANOTHER liberal snowflake pandering to the minorities!

AIRBUSTER_BROS: UNBELIEVABLE! When are the government going to finally pull their finger out and shoot a big cannon at it?

8AM on the Dollet women's rights forum, the forum temporarily crashes after being inundated with Gifs of Ultimecia making a sandwich while being dolphin punched. The perpetrators are rumored to be acting on behalf of Final Fantasy 4-Chan but cannot be officially identified due to uniform Kain Highwind masks. The forum degenerates into madness...

DOBENFLO2000: It's UltiMEcia not UltiSHEcia!

MANWITHTHEMACHINEGUN: All it takes is one bad period and BOOM, locked in time compression, CANNOT BE TRUSTED

JUNCTIONBOI45: Nobody wants to watch women play Triple Triad anyway, it's a MAN'S sport!

ELNOYLE: Its Edea not SHEdea! Looks like they have no...'CLUE'

PAPALOVESMOOMBA: It makes you want to take a Doomtrain over the lot of 'em! THEY WOULD PROBABLY BE LESS CONFUSED!!!

TIAMATTHEW890: Balamb Garden has become nothing more than a breeding ground for virtue signalers and social justice warriors, it doesn't prepare these kids for a real life of fighting T-Rexaurs and propelling dogs at high velocity while in space

9 AM on the Treno buy/sell/trade forum, one of the moderators has placed an abridged article from the tabloids concerning famous instagram foodie 'Quina Quen' and her decision to remain gender neutral despite hostility from local Flans. Patrons are keen to offer their expertise on this subject, well versed on gender awareness of course through years of buying/selling things online:

212RAGTIMEMOUSE: WRONG! It's male, female and anthropomorphic rat people, EVERYTHING ELSE IS CLOUD CUCKOO LAND!

XXUNCLEADELBERTXX: It's giving these kids mixed messages, last week I saw a child WITH A TAIL!

TETRAMASTER222: It's trance Kuja not TRANS Kuja!

TRENOBUYSELLTRADE: XXXXXXX Free listings this weekend at the Treno auction house! Enter code 'MINI-CID' for this one time offer! XXXXXXX

OZMAWEP19: If I meet this 'Quina' I will not be pandering to IT, and IT'S idea of gender. Even if IT does try to consume me in order to learn better magic

Its 10AM on the Zanarkand against cyber bullying page, the page is empty because it turns out it never really existed...
Then after that the forums just sort of talked about nothing in particular, with the occassional sub-forum providing a glimmer of interest...15PM wasn't that bad I suppose




No comments:

Post a Comment