Gunbird Special Edition-Now with more Gun! (Birds sold separately)

What can be said about Gunbird Special Edition that hasn’t already been said? Well, everything actually. The game was released as a budget title in 2005 and appears to have faded from the scrolling pixel infested backdrop that is time immemorial (or is that time memorandum?). “But what is this?” I hear the people say, “A PS2 review! Why Retro Prefect, either your good looks and alluring charm have since faded thus causing you to create controversy in the videogame world as a misguided cry out for help; or you take the theory that while it is a PS2 game, it is a re-release which harkens back to the bygone days of the 90’s. Also you have the audacity to label yourself the Gamer Prefect by speaking in the third person thus absolving you of any judgement upon your own ego” Well the answer to that long winded question is… a little from both camps. The Gunbird series comprises of two games, each originally released in the arcade and later ported to Dreamcast and PS1. The latter giving claim to a front cover that in no way represents the game in any shape or form. Sex sells as they say, and sex with guns sells even more. Well try telling that to the man pissing blood through the base of his whatsa.

The first in the series is a pioneering experience into the world of eye strain, this is a shmup (Look it up), and like all shmup’s, they are played solely by people like myself who have an obsession with large numbers; and consider anything created post millennium to be heresy. The menu screen is minimal at best, the developers added it in as an afterthought but it does the job nonetheless. One of the most mind boggling options is the choice to flip the screen horizontally. Enjoyment all round for those who can crane their necks 90 degrees im sure you’ll agree. Now I understand this is done to give a ‘true’ arcade feel, but I feel having my TV flipped around on its side may not be the best option. Especially if said TV is delicately mounted to the wall.

So several broken TV’s later I decided to play the game, being a man of adequate gaming prowess, or so I thought. I left the game on its default difficulty, medium. Medium by Gunbird standards is like going to a stake house and asking for medium, instead you are served a black shadow etched onto the plate. The waiter explains your steak has been heated for five hours in a fractional column and then thrown into the suns core. So basically, it’s quite difficult. Like all good games, with ‘gun’ and quite possibly ‘bird’ in the title, there is a choice of 5, count them 5 characters, each one with no back-story to speak of. Im sure the Japanese story was omitted on the grounds of either suggestible references to child molesting, transsexuals galore or both. All 8 pages of the instruction booklet are no help either. From what I gather some people are trying to assemble a magic mirror to grant a wish, they are frequently stopped by three antagonists who like to use poorly laid out text boxes.

The characters are as follows:

Ash- Man with Jetpack who according to Wikipedia is a paedophile, I was only being casually racist when I said the Japanese did that sort of thing but clearly stereotypes have to come from somewhere!

Marion- A young girl/witch, again the paedophile theme continues…with a vengeance!

Valnus- A robot that sounds like slang for the lady part, he has shoulders bigger than his head and from the red stars emblazoned upon them I can only assume he’s Russian. (As all good robots are)

Yuan Nang- A monkey woman on a cloud, I didn’t think Id ever say this but theirs only so many times you can see a monkey woman on a cloud…5

Tetsu- An old man who is most likely wise and judging by his wooden flying contraption a hair brained inventor as well. Avoid at all costs unless you enjoy controlling old people

Now onto the game itself, to grasp an understanding of how this game works, look into the sky and place your finger slightly above your eyes. Get a box of rice crispies (Coco Pops will suffice) and throw them onto your finger, should a single one of them touch the finger then it will explode, re-appear and flash for several seconds. The game play is simplistic as is expected from a shmup; it is however infuriatingly difficult for those of us who lack the superior motor controls to track hundreds of dots on screen. I suppose it’s necessary to follow the ‘practice makes perfect’ rule when playing Gunbird. But practice also makes for a potential fatality of a close family member or beloved pet. My family are still suspicious about the controller shaped marks in Fido’s back…

So onto Gunbird 2, which is basically its predecessor in a shiny coat. It also features two new additional gameplay features. A charge attack can be deployed by pressing square, it’s effectively a poor mans smart bomb but it gets the job done. The second feature is a melee attack. Players foolish and lucky enough to actually get close enough to an enemy to do this should probably think better of it. Not only is it very likely you will drop like a sack of doorknobs upon attempting it, but every time it is used your weapon will power down. As we all know “A weapon powered down will bring naught but a frown”-Gamer Prefect

Like with all my reviews, I have tried to remain impartial with my opinion. Instead I have discredited this game for all its worth, when in fact I have for the most part enjoyed it. This is definitely a game for the shmup fans and those of you who enjoy a challenge. I do however feel the story was a total afterthought and I blame this on poor localisation. However it’s not too hard to come by cheaply nowadays and deserves a place on anybody’s shelf. That is if you have a shelf, I’m not shelf biased or anything…honest (Bloody non-shelvers, coming over here…organising our DVD’s) I give it two "Guns" up...eh readers?

King of Demons/Majyuuou

I already have distinct regrets reviewing this game, the reason being it took me almost ten minutes to remember what the damm thing was called (Google search engine cant decipher ‘Majyuu’ or ‘Majyoo’), In my desperation I resorted to typing what most characterised the game ‘Castlevania with a gun’. I was genuinely amazed that this came up with the answer. In all my years I have never witnessed a Super Famicom title that uses vowels in such a gratuitous manner. Im wondering how this is spelled in Japanese characters, considering the letter “J” must always be accompanied by a vowel.

I was first drawn to the game when I saw it on a ‘top 100 Super Famicom’ games video. Because I caught a mere 5 second glimpse of the game I was clueless to its name. Being a judge of books; namely their covers (I believe that’s a saying of sorts), I was under the impression that this game would provide of something very different from other chaff seen in Japanese exports. This handy diagram elaborates:

The first level showed promise, it’s perhaps the only Super Famicom game in existence to utilise realistic bullet physics. Contrary to what contra and Gunstar Heroes might have you believe, bullets are not large colourful, slow moving dots. Bullets are small pieces of metal propelled at a speed not visible to the human eye. They are capable of embedding themselves within the human body, creating severe infection and possible haemorrhaging of internal organs. Obviously those “Fat cats” at Nintendo wouldn’t want gruesome depictions of death on a console typically aimed at a juvenile audience, were else are kids going to learn how to shoot? Because of its realism in a sense, the main characters gun actually feels quite satisfying to use. I was under the impression that the gun would be retained throughout the game, but an early boss fight causes the main character (Who I’m sure has a name, lets call him Keith for arguments sake) to transform into a Demon. Bearing in the mind the title, it might suggest that Keith is quite possibly the king…of demons no less! You would be forgiven for thinking the game gets better from such an unusual development; a demonic Keith is the source of every young boys dream. Instead you become lumbered with a gangly butterfly man, the sort of bad boy you might find thwarted by the power rangers on a weekly basis; also he’d be called Baron Butterfly and team up with manic moth in a climactic episode. The major problem however derives from the ear splitting noise made each time Keith attacks; and Keith likes to attack. It can be likened to the high pitch scraping of a rusty pan in the presence of an ill programmed sentient robot. Unable to comprehend the action he tries to imitate the cacophony with his inferior sound synthesiser which in turn causes his master to destroy him piece by piece…that’s what it sounds like.

Majyuuou really encapsulates the feeling that one man alone against the realm of the demons is indeed a tall order; poorest of Keith will unfortunately be subjected to frequent deaths due to the player’s inability to predict everything thrown at them. While stages themselves don’t pose too much of a challenge, bosses are much like my estranged uncle; large, unpredictable and occasionally one eyed. This is especially true near the end, where it seems the demon hierarchy requires some severe restructuring; if a business had so many bosses as this game it would surely have been liquidised within the first month. Especially if said business was run by demonic hordes. Racist I know, but thems the breaks in the cutthroat world of commerce. I am sadly unable to recommend this game to those with anger issues as I fear it could very easily trigger a relapse; I don’t want to be responsible for a single father of two running his 4x4 off the road with kids in tow…not again anyway.

Oh what the hell, Ill recommend it anyway. Those who get the opportunity, I would say play this game. It has some unique features and design pieces that most Super Famicom games don’t. Yes it is at times a challenge but so is contra, and people seem to enjoy subjecting themselves to that torment as well. I shall end on a solemn note, offering my deepest sympathies to dear old Keith; despite his bravest of efforts against the demon horde…he has sadly become seriously ill with a case of what doctors are calling “A bit dead”. I refuse to believe these quacks however and I will continue to have a pint down the nags head with him every Friday. Even though his butterfly anatomy puts off the rest of the punters.